Our Christmas Miracle!

For those that have read my blog since its inception in 2013, you know it was born out of a frustration in dealing with infertility. It started as a place to post my frustrations on infertility and look for joy with my husband as we accomplish the tasks on our baby bucket list. Here is the list we made, and the items crossed out in purple are what we have accomplished:

1. Travel
   a. International
   -Pyramids in Egypt
   -Shakespeare in London
   -Ireland
   -Coast of Croatia
   -Jamaica
   -Our friends' vacation spot in Mexico
   -ADDITION: While we didn't do any of the above, we did spend 3 weeks in Europe, so that's something, right?
   b. Domestic
   -Drive across country
   -Mt. Rushmore
   -New Orleans- I was supposed to meet a Friend here in October, but a hurricane had other plans for us.
   -Alaskan Cruise
   -Vegas...again
2. Camping at the beach
3. Run a 5k, then half and then full marathon   
4. Fly first class  
5. Stay for a few nights at the Hotel Del
6. Cooking class together
7. Trash the dress photo shoot
8. Boxing/self defense class
9. Save 6 months of expenses-We are at almost 5 months.
10. Rent a limo and go on a wine tour
11.  Better our gardening skill

While the desire to become pregnant and have children has never fully gone away, this list has helped us to grow closer together in our marriage and to find joy and peace in times when we were saddened by the loss of the dream to become parents. We do have quite a bit to tackle on our list, but, we have actually accomplished a lot in four years, and even added a cross country move to the list! 

So what does all this have to do with a Christmas miracle you ask? Last year I learned that my insurance through work covers ALL infertility treatments. We finally had all of my medical records sent over from California and met with a doctor who referred us to a fertility specialist. On December 6 we met with a doctor who said that all of the testing we had in California looks quite comprehensive, and that he didn't see a need to repeat most of the testing and that we could start artificial insemination with my next cycle. He did want to do a blood test to test the quality of my eggs. When I had it done in California it was 2.9, which was really good, but that was four years ago, and I am now 35. The expectation is that the egg quality would diminish over time.  Our concern was how much the quality diminished over these last four years.  

The nurse, whom we are pretty sure was the doctor's wife,  said I should have the results back by the end of the week. I asked what would happen if my number dropped significantly. Would artificial insemination still work? Would it be better to go to IVF immediately? Is this really going to work? It was so surreal to walk into the appointment with the hope of getting a plan that would some day come to fruition, and to walk out with an actual plan that was starting IMMEDIATELY. 

I checked in on my results at the start of the next week to see if my fears had been realized. My level went from 2.9 to 3.74. What in the world?!?!?! How did my levels improve over the last four and a half years? I began to think that something was wrong with me and the testing. I figured that would be the first question I would ask next time I went in. Now I just had to wait for my next cycle to start, and I knew that day would be sometime that weekend.

So I waited. And waited for my cycle to come. But it didn't. I really liked that it was supposed to start at the start of my three week vacation so that I could have the first try of artificial insemination done while I was at home and not at work. But, the longer I waited, the more I knew I would then have to be doing some of the process while at work. I felt so stupid also. The doctor asked if my cycle was regular, and I said yes. It had been regular the last year that I actively kept track of it. I downloaded an app, and it has been so much easier to keep track that way. Since my cycle was not starting, not only did I feel stupid, but I felt like there was something medically wrong with me keeping me from getting pregnant.

So I kept waiting. And while I say waiting, I only waited for about a week. But it was the most nerve wracking week. By the end of the week Dan suggested that maybe I was pregnant. I knew that there was no way I could be pregnant. Come on, we have been trying for over six and a half years, and all of a sudden it was going to happen out of no where? Yeah right. So, Saturday December 23, a week after my cycle was to start, I took a pregnancy test. It said YES+. Apparently I shrieked. I just remember running to the living room with the test in my hand and shoving it in Dan's face asking him if I was reading it right. He kept saying yes.

We were/ are so amazed. We don't know how this happened.  Well, we know how, we just wonder why now, after all of this. Our mentality around getting pregnant did change during November and December, and maybe that was it. We tried so hard for over six years to control getting pregnant and to control the timing. I tried taking my temperature daily. I tried ovulation predictor kits-those have cost us hundreds of dollars over the last few years. We have taken prenatal and preconception vitamins. We have tried different diets. I have tried different stretches. ALL to no avail. 

During Advent, 2017, we read how Zechariah went mute out of disbelief when he found out Elizabeth was pregnant with John. We resonate with that story; I asked Dan if he was going to go mute, but he said no. We are still in disbelief. We don't understand it, but we are trying to relish the gift that God has given us.  We know the old saying, "Easy come, easy go."  Our hope is that this pregnancy will succeed.

Life of The Windhams!

Wow! When I started this blog a few years ago I told myself that if I was going to start this, I was going to do it "right." To me, doing it"right meant to write regularly and not go months, let alone almost a year, without writing. Well, according to that definition I did not do it "right." Now that things have settled down a bit I am going to try and write regularly. We shall see how it goes.

 Since I last wrote:

• I took (and passed!) the last test I needed to get a teaching licence in Illinois.
• I applied for more teaching jobs then all of the other jobs I have EVER applied for.
• I had a few interview...all through the use of technology!
• I was offered a job the DAY before we left. 
• We sold one of our cars and half of our belongings.
• We packed up and moved halfway across the country.
• We had an epic road-trip as we moved to Chicago...3 cats in the cars was pretty crazy!
• I started my teaching job in Illinois, and boy has it been the toughest year in teaching that I'v ever had.
• I took three online courses through University of Phoenix (boy were they a joke), so that I could get a full teaching licence in Illinois.
• Dan began school, and is totally rocking it. He is standing out and people are recognizing him and his gifts and talents.
• We've had lots of fun exploring Evanston and Chicago and have met lots of awesome people along the way.

Wow! That's been a lot. I have a plan to try (as I write try I hear Dan say "you know what Yoda says? Do or do not, there is no try.") write about once a week. 

Here is what's to come:

• A tour of our apartment.
• More details on my job.
• More details on Dan's schooling.
• A peak into some of our favorite activities around the area.
• Whatever else I can think of or you ask me to write about!

Wish me luck in following through! 

-Erin

Our Journey...Applications and Test Galore!

A year and 3 months ago Dan decided to go to seminary and we both decided it would be out of state. As I shared earlier in this post, we did a whirlwind college tour last summer. After touring the three schools we decided that Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary would be the place for us. The school offered off campus housing which provided Dan with the community he was looking for, and was out of the city which is what I was looking for. A win-win for both of us.

Since Garrett was our top choice, we decided Dan would apply early. We figured that if he got in we would not have to worry about applying to other schools. He got his application in and waited for his last letter of recommendation to bet submitted.  Days of waiting turned into weeks, which soon turned into two months of waiting. It was now Thanksgiving and we were approaching the application period for the other schools. During Thanksgiving Dan talked with my sister who works in college administration and my mom's cousin, who we stayed with on our Garrett tour, about the missing letter of recommendation. They both suggested asking someone else to write it. The Monday after Thanksgiving he sent out a plea to many people, and by the end of the day a few submitted letters, and by the end of the week even more had. He ended up with a surplus of recommendations! By Tuesday his application was complete, and by the next day his acceptance offer was mailed. Before heading into Christmas break we knew he was officially accepted with a 60% scholarship. Yay!

During that same time period Dan also began to help me out in getting everything submitted for transferring my California Credential to an Illinois License. Yeah, they use the word license and not credential. He submitted a copy of my credential, all of my transcripts, and credential verification from the universities I attended. We then waited to hear from the license board on what I needed to do next. But we heard nothing. We did read that there were several tests that you needed to take in order to obtain a license, so we figured that maybe I haven't heard anything because I had not taken the tests.

I decided to prepare for the tests and began studying my butt off. There were three tests required in order to obtain a license in Illinois: Test of Academic Proficiency (TAP, like California's CBEST on steroids), Math Subject Matter Test, and Assessment of Professional Teaching (APT). Dan helped me register for all three and ordered study material for the APT and Math Test. I set up a study regimen that was reminiscent of my college days. I would come home from work and study at least an hour every night and then several hours on the weekends. I took the TAP and APT at the end of our February break and the Math Test the first week of March.

The TAP consisted of four sections: 60 Reading Comprehension questions, 60 Language Arts questions, 50 Math questions and 1 essay. Oh man, so much reading! For both English portions I had to read loads of essays and then answer a few questions on the readings. Did I mention it was a lot of reading? Also, reading and answering questions on a computer is so different than reading and answering questions in a test booklet. Which makes me wonder how prepared our students will be for the computer based SBAC they will be taking. I passed all sections except the Language Arts test. In this section I had to read 20 short readings (1-2 paragraphs) and then answer three questions on the reading. Really, you couldn't give me more questions to cut down the reading? The questions were like: which sentence has incorrect use of parallel sentence structure? Which sentence has a comma splice? What the what? How can I correctly answer a question about something if I don't even know what it is? So I will be retaking that portion this Tuesday. Now the funny thing is that I scored higher on the writing portion than the math portion. Clearly I know how to use all that grammar stuff, I just don't know what it is called. This test I did not study for; I thought that I should be fine since I passed the CBEST after staying up late drinking with my roommates in college and didn't study one bit. Guess not.

The second test I took was the APT. This test consisted of 120 multiple choice questions and 2 essays. The multiple choice test had questions on child development, class management, learning environment, and learning theory. Oh, and did I mention that in the fall they changed the test to no longer be grade specific, but is now Pre-k to 12? Yeah, what do I know about elementary school or Pre-k except that I could never teach those grades. There were questions like what is the significance of having written materials like coupons, waitress pads, and cash register tape in the play section of a preschool class? Ummmmm....not sure. I felt pretty confident about the essays, except for the fact that they had to be less than 300 words. That is not a lot of space. After the test I felt very confident. I either did really well, or I bombed it and was fooling myself. I was afraid that if I did not pass it I would not know what else to study since i thought I did well. The worrying was for naught, because I passed it! Whew, what a relief!

The last test was a Math Test. This test ranged from teaching strategies, to history of math, to actual math content. I felt pretty confident about the teaching strategies and math content through Algebra 2, but the history of math and upper level math I had not seen since college. So I studied. I watched videos that our Calculus teacher made and videos from Khan Academy. I did have an issue during the test where the proctor almost took my test away because I had 3 calculators...the other proctor told me I could! The test actually seemed pretty easy to me. Since this test was only multiple choice, 120 questions at that, I found out immediately that I passed! Yay! Now, my testing stress was mostly over, except for having to retake that stupid  grammar test, and one step closer to getting my license in Illinois.

Two weeks ago I finally received an e-mail on my license status. I am currently deficient on the test I have not passed (I knew that), an ELL class (what!?) and a SPED class (what!?). I spent spring break tracking down a transcript I did not send in (I didn't realize UCR and UCR extension were separate), syllabi from all the education classes I took in college, and writing an argument as to why the classes I took count for those two requirements. Monday I mailed off my documentation and hopefully I will know in the next few weeks if they agree with my argument. If not, I will be taking more classes. So silly.... come and look at my classes and you will see that I work with SPED and ELL kids on a daily basis. But, if they do not accept, and I do have to take the classes, hopefully I will learn something that will help me in my teaching.

There has been more going on with our preparation for moving, but this is long enough. Things to come: job searching, apartment hunting, and selling off half our stuff. I enjoy writing this, hope you enjoy reading it, and plan to start writing more....so stay tuned!

Trash The Dress Photo Shoot

When we were creating our "Bucket List," I knew I really wanted to do a trash the dress photo shoot. I had some friends post pictures on Facebook of similar shoots they did, and it just looked like so much fun. I knew that if I tried to sell my dress I probably would not get much for it, and that the fun we would have doing the shoot would be worth it.

Last summer (2012) Dan talked to our friend Brian about taking pictures of us at the beach for a trash the dress shoot as a surprise for my birthday. I have this uncanny knack for guessing most surprises that he has planned for me.  This, too, I guessed. I told him that I wanted to be able to fit into my dress if we did it. So we went upstairs, I pulled it out of the closet and put it on. We were able to get the zipper up most of the way, but there was still about two inches left to go. I was devastated and told Dan that I did not want to take the pictures until I felt like I looked good in the dress again. That night he gave me a classic line: "well Erin, it is not surprising that the dress doesn't fit you.  You have gotten thicker since we got married." WHAT?!?!? He went on to explain that he meant thick as in muscle in my back that I had never had before, not fat. I know what he means now, but it is still fun to rag on him for calling me thick. Since the dress did not fit how I wanted we decided to wait a year. I decided that I would work out until I got to where I was content with how I looked, and then if it fit good, if not I would make the dress have a corset back and call it a day.

All of the shoots I had seen were on the beach, so I figured that would be where we would do it. Since I now had some time before the shoot I decided to do some research. In the research I saw pictures from all sorts of settings: rolling around in the mud, throwing paint on each other, and throwing wine on each other. Over the last few years we have really grown to enjoy wine and even joined two wine clubs. We decided that we would try and do it at the winery that we first joined and loved to stay at: South Coast Winery Resort and Spa. However, as we began to make plans for our anniversary with staying at the Hotel Del Coronado, we decided that would be a perfect place to do it since it would be on our anniversary and would be at what they claim to be one of the top 10 most iconic beaches in the country.

As time got closer to our anniversary trip I finally felt good about how I was looking, although I was still not sure if the dress would fit. I made plans to go up and visit my Mom and she was going to help me put grommets up the back of the dress so that I could lace up some ribbon to keep the back together if the zipper would not zip up all the way. Before we left I pulled out the dress and decided to try it on, and much to my surprise it fit! I was so excited that I could not wait for our picture time. I did end up taking the dress up with me so that my Mom could help me touch up some guacamole stains (or what looked like guacamole) on the back of my dress.  Yeah someone spilled on the back of my dress and I didn't even know it until 7 years later. She pulled out a Tide pen and it worked wonders!

We had a great time during the shoot. Our friend Brian Jones did an AMAZING job! He was wearing his work clothes, but did not hesitate to get knee deep in the water with us. People kept coming up to us congratulating us on our wedding (we had to tell time it was our anniversary), and people even started taking pictures of us and asking if we were models.  Nope, just having a fun anniversary adventure!

And now, without further adieu...our pictures: